Lately I've been in a weird funk. I used to be the kind of person to go out and find random ways to fill my time, I used to love watching movies and discovering great films that others may overlook. I used to feel inspired to write, to create new works of art through words and eventually translate them into film.
All of that seems to have gotten lost somewhere along the way, and I am fed up with how I am at this point in time.
I've always stayed up until late hours of the night, rarely in bed before midnight.
Midnight has turned into 2, 3, sometimes nearly 4 in the morning. When I wake up, it's not until 10 or later, at which point I feel like I've just wasted my entire day (Even though it's still morning.).
Well today all of that changes.
I'm sick of being sad, pathetic, lazy, and overweight.
This week, in the midst of the weird funk, I've also felt inspired to change.
Now I know I've written about changing my ways in the past. While I have tried in the past and I have tried to change several times, something has always gotten in the way. Busy schedules, lunch with old friends, long work days, and school have all played parts in losing my way in the past, but all of that is over now. I'm tired of excuses, I'm tired of feeling like crap, and I'm ready to be healthy and fit.
When I was young I was very active. I played sports, I rode my bike or walked everywhere, I played games with friends outdoors. When I see the old picture of me as a child, standing shirtless flexing my 'muscles' with my abs and flat stomach, I realize that I can have that body again if I really set my mind to it and I actually try. So today is the day that everything changes, and I start on my way to a better, healthier, more attractive, and happier self.
Recently I've been thinking a lot about life in general and how lucky we are as human beings to be able to experience life. Recently, my great-uncle passed away, and it really got me thinking. My family has a history of Diabetes as well as Cancer, which has now taken the lives of my Grandfather and Uncle. This alone made me realize one very important thing: If there is a chance of me having to someday fight cancer and/or diabetes, then why the hell would I choose to add obesity into the mixture?
Life throws more than enough obstacles into our lives, so why in the world would I choose to add obesity and being unhealthy into all of that?? Well, quite frankly, I don't want to. So I'm choosing to change for me. I'm choosing to change for my family, and for my friends. I'm choosing to change so that I can start to experience all the great things in this world without my weight being an obstacle.
I want to be able to wear the clothes that I want to wear, I want to be able to go swimming with my friends and not feel so self conscious that I simply sit on the sidelines and watch. I want to have confidence in myself to start dating again, and to not feel so self-conscious that I feel like people are looking at me and judging me because of my weight. I don't want to be "The pretty voice" at karaoke, I want to be a triple threat.
SO: My goal for the next month or so is to crank out the diet/exercise, and lose as close to 30 lbs as I possibly can. RENT auditions are at the end of June, and I want to look my absolute best for them :)
*****
We live in an amazing world, and I'm ready to start living in it.
