Change is coming, can you feel it?

As of Tuesday, about a day and a half away, I will finally be graced with the presence of internet in my own apartment.
HALLELU! I cannot wait!

So this blog post is just to inform you all of one thing.

I will be hitting blogger, tumblr, facebook, and spotify with a vengeance. Get ready. ;)

In other news, my diet is going to be revamping this week, and I'm going to be hitting the gym 5 to 7 times a week. BOOM!

Peace.Love.Happiness.

I Dreamed A Dream

I keep having dreams about a certain person. And when I wake up I feel really happy. For whatever reason I feel like I am constantly being drawn to this person. I don't always dream about people I know, but the past few times I have dreamed about people in my life, this person has always been there. Smiling, glowing, being perfect.
I don't know if I should read into it, but it's getting to the point where I even daydream about this person here and there. I can't help it. :)

It's time for change.

I know people have probably been thinking that I'm "All talk" when it comes to the changes I've been wanting to make for myself.
But to be honest. I've really been struggling a lot lately. I have nearly ZERO self esteem left, but somehow it becomes worse and worse each day.

I've been wanting to wake up early. Go to the gym. Be EARLY to each class. Basically eliminate as much stress as I possibly can, but I have been struggling with finding a reason to care. I have no motivation, and then I just feel worse and worse about myself.

As for my weight (the biggest change I've been wanting to make), I've been slowly progressing. I've lost seven pounds so far. And my goal is to lose about 115 more. Some people have told me, "I don't think you need to lose THAT much." but I do.
I really, really do. If I lost all of that, and managed to build muscle in the process, I would weigh about 160 lbs. You do the math.
At my worst I was 285 lbs. FIFTEEN lbs away from 300. I was disgusted with myself. Completely. Utterly. Disgusted. Mostly because I had no idea I weighed that much.
I'm so self conscious lately that it's gotten to the point where I just don't have an appetite anymore. Which honestly just makes it worse, because if I don't eat, it slows my metabolism down. Over the last week, I've been finding it extremely difficult to eat. Even the most nutritious, healthiest, most delicious foods don't seem appealing. Even now, as I'm sitting in Mocha, I'm barely able to choke down the coffee I ordered, just because I don't. want. the calories.

I have been doing my best to be as optimistic, courageous, and outgoing person as I can, but it's just kind of failing at this point.
All I can say is that by Spring Break, you all will hopefully be looking at a more attractive, happy, and outgoing person.
Here goes everything. :/

From Potato Chips To Carrot Sticks

I am feeling rather proud of myself today, but I should probably start at the beginning of the story before I get to that part. ;)

Last night, work left me in a bit of a crummy/sad mood. I honestly felt like I just wanted to go home and curl up and just hide from the world. However, being the college student that I am, I realized that I needed to go do homework. So, as soon as I closed up at work, I headed over to Mocha Madness, a local coffee shop, in order to take advantage of their internet capabilities. So I order my iced "Decadence" go to a table, and set up my laptop.

BATTERY LIFE REMAINING: 15% (Estimated 20 mins. remaining)


So, I reach for my bag to pull out my power cord.

No. Power. Cord. 

I became even more fed up/frustrated than I was before. So I decide that I'd just wake up early, get ready, and go to the SUB in the morning to submit my work for my class. (Here I am!)
So I get up, put everything back in my school bag, and go to leave, when I knock my coffee off the table, and it spills. Everywhere. So I frantically clean up the mess with napkins (I was going to get a rag from the employee but he wasn't anywhere to be seen.). Even more saddened and frustrated, I hurry out the door before I could manage to screw up anything else.

So I decided to do what always seems to put me in a better mood: I go grocery shopping. I know it seems weird, but I honestly like to shop for groceries from time to time. I'm always trying to find new and fun meals to attempt.

My first stop was Fred Meyer. I needed some random things like colored pencils for my makeup class, a sun-visor for my car, and deodorant, shampoo, etc. So I got everything I needed there, and headed over to WinCo (The place I despise to shop anytime before 9pm, because the lines are so ridiculous and it's way too small/crowded during the day). By the end of that shopping trip, I was so proud of myself, I wanted to take a picture of my cart. But of course, my phone was dead.

My shopping cart consisted of: grapes, strawberries, apples, carrots, and salad (Instead of Potato chips, fries, popcorn, etc). Raw chicken(none of that frozen garbage), seasonings, spices, and marinade (Instead of frozen pizzas, hot pockets, chicken strips, etc.). I had managed to avoid  ALL junk food, soda, and I didn't take a single step into the frozen foods section. Not. One.

For the first time in.... well, EVER, I had managed to purchase healthy food items. I ALSO decided recently that I'm going to cut out all fast food from my diet. Which brings me to my most proud moment of the night.

I avoided McDonald's on the way home. :)

Even though it was past 11, I was starving, and I was completely exhausted, I fought the urge to hit up the drive-thru and grab a quick bite to eat. At one of the most tempting moments, I was able to ignore it and just drive home with my healthy groceries, and just went to bed.
Even now, as I watch a girl struggling with her quarters in the soda machine, I can't help but notice that I simply don't want soda anymore. It just doesn't sound appealing. I'm perfectly happy with my bottled water, and it makes me feel good to think that I am making this change.

I'm going to write more on this lifestyle change later, but for now, I have to get going to class! If you're reading this, I hope you have a fantastic day. :)

Love Is Blind

So the other day while I was at work I overheard a conversation...
It was shocking from the start.
"If you could kill anyone in the world, who would it be?"
At first, my reaction was a bit of shock... But the answer was even more shocking. Here I was expecting to hear terrorists, rapists, or something along those lines.

Instead, the answer was
"Ellen Degeneres."

I was shocked, confused, horrified, etc. but it gets better. The other guys response to the answer:
"Well duh, 'cause she's gay."

I honestly could not believe what I was hearing. Here were two guys having a horrible conversation and targeting one of the most caring, talented, and  hilarious comedians of our generation, and for one reason: her sexual orientation.

So I felt I should speak out on this. Once upon a time I also had issues with people who were gay. Then one day a movie came along that impacted the way I think forever. RENT. I was so moved by the film that I went out and purchased everything that I could find that had to do with RENT.
Sheet music, books, posters, cast recordings, you name it, I have it. I was instantly changed forever, and now I have more LGBT friends than straight ones.
From the first time I saw, heard, and experienced Jonathan Larson's masterpiece, I came to realize one very important thing that I hope everyone else will eventually realize.

Love. Is. Blind.

It doesn't matter if you are a man, woman, young, or old, tall, skinny, short, or fat. I believe that anyone can fall in love with anyone else, regardless of gender. In fact the only reason 'homosexuality' even exists is because human beings are obsessed with labelling everything we come across. So over time we have created labels. Gay. Straight. Lesbian. Bisexual.
Why can't it just be called LOVE?

Spontaneity At Its Finest

A couple weeks ago I got it in my head that I wanted a record player. So what did I do today?

I bought a record player!!

All I can say is

I AM IN LOVE WITH IT!!

I had recently found out that my family's old record player had been thrown out and I thought it would be a fun, new hobby to collect old vinyl records on top of all the other random things I already collect. (Marilyn/James Dean memorabilia, wall art, shotglasses, movies, etc.) ;P

Luckily the friendly neighborhood Kmart had one "entertainment center" left. So not only can it play records... It can play CDs, casette, iPod, and of course radio.

I am beyond excited and I can't wait to see all the fun old (and new) vinyl records I can find :)

Here Goes Nothing!

I haven't done this blog thing for a while, but it sounded like fun so I guess I'll try again!

    Most of today was pretty uneventful. I spent a good portion of the day just cleaning and organizing my apartment, followed by a good hour-long workout: Zumba Fitness for the 360. I'm always a bit hesitant when it comes to workout games or dvds, but when I discovered zumba fitness  I was definitely surprised. It's fun, challenging, and it turns out to be a really, really good workout!

    I've been lacking motivation to lose weight and get healthy over the last few months, but for some reason I was feeling a strong wave of inspiration today. I'm hoping the inspiration/motivation will continue over the next several months...

    Today was the second full day without Jess being in town. It still feels like she just went home to visit and she will be back before the week is over. But it's weird to think that this time, that's just not the case. I have a feeling that when it settles in it is going to be sad and I will need some adjusting, but I know it will all be okay in the end. :) Miss you friend!

    Last night was a good night. I got to see some friends that I haven't seen much of this summer, so it was good to spend time with them! And tonight was a fun night as well! Dinner and games with good company is always a blast. :)

I'm so not looking forward to school starting in two weeks, so I need to take advantage of the two weeks I have left. This summer has been amazing fun, and I have met so many incredible new friends and I'm hoping to strengthen those new friendships as much as possible this year.

Anyway, thanks for reading, subscribe if you wanna, and hopefully my blog won't bore ya'll to death! :P